Nostalgia

Lately I've found myself daydreaming about various places. I keep being drawn back into memories of sugar creek in Turkey Run. Whenever I'm driving along the country roads and look out over the fields and see all the foliage I can't help but start thinking about our trip there. I start thinking about how nice it was to float down the river, surrounded by great big rock sides covered in trees. I remember looking into the water where you could see the roots twisting down into the hidden depths. I think about looking up at all those old bridges as our boat would lazily pass below. I have the greatest craving to go back. Road Trip?

I also find myself reminiscing about Europe. I really am in love with Estonia. All the winding twisted streets and old medieval buildings. So beautiful! Ah, I just get this great big ache in my heart whenever I think about it. It was the most perfect place ever. I loved being so close to everything. I could walk anywhere, visiting the old town or going to dinner in the more modern parts of the city of Tallinn. Or the park. The park was so close. I wish I lived in Europe. I could walk or take a trolley to the park every day and tour the grounds. Or sit around in the grass and paint. I want to go back. I miss it so much.

Sorry for being so negligent and not writing much on here. I've been busy in the evening looking up colleges. I really hope I pick the right one. It's kind of fun though. I'm definitely excited. But on the other hand I know I'll miss everyone so much. Yet, that distance that will exist once we all leave for college, it still hasn't registered yet. It still seems so far off. Enough college talk though, it's summer!

I miss you. We haven't done anything all week. I saw Kaitlynn Monday and we went on an adventure. Other then that though I haven't done much, except daydream about vacationing. Also, bigfoot hunting next summer? I hope you realized how incredibly serious I am.

The Drains are Drinking, All This Rain, Oh I'm Thinking, Maaaybe

I just read Perks! Well, I read it Sunday night. I liked it. But I think I liked the mood I was in as I read it more. I finally feel like its summer break. What caused this:
-Waking up in a tent, going in to the living room and watching Spongebob with a bunch of teenagers and eating a huge breakfast. I love waking up with huge, non-obnoxious groups. And sleeping surrounded by their voices. Sure, sometimes I love solitude, but in those moments its just nice to know I'm not alone.

-Spending a day with no real purpose, we drove around, we went to a gas station when we felt like it, we wandered around an unused house and sat in the empty hot tub, we paddleboated. Calm pursuits with people I really like.

-The sun being slightly sunny, me being very sleepy, and a book to read. AH SUMMAH!

On another note: about your heritage thing, I understand. I used to be really absorbed by it, then it faded. It is fascinating though, because you know those people, generations back, passed on their traits, eccentricies, experiences, pet peeves into some condensed little essence that their kids somehow got and kept passing. And here we are. Our ancestor's essences. And our best friend's ancestor's essences. And our teacher's ancestor's essences. ABSORPTION! I don't know if that made sense...

Today I was tired, and I really didn't feel like going to the soup kitchen, but I made myself go. I got there, and was immediately glad I did. I really adore the people who work there, maybe because they are so complimentive. One man is from Egypt and he always talks about my smile and how beautiful it is. One homeless man started calling me Smiley. I just really love people. I'm also glad I went because Audrey and I, with no place to go, crashed Jakob's and ended up staying at his house and talking for awhile, which I've never done before. I really admire him and it makes me happy that someone as impossibly cool as that is my friend. Why are all of you so cool? I've been thinking about it lately, and I believe we have the coolest group of friends.

And then I had the Harrison internship thing, which sounds fun, just a lot more work than I expected. This way, though, I know I'm actually doing something interesting and useful.

Eh, I have no more to say.

Roots

My sister got into this discussion with my parents the other day about who our ancestors where and where they grew up and when they arrived in America. That sort of thing. She found a listing of my granny's polish ancestors online. To be honest though, I've hardly ever given much thought to anyone older than my great grand parents in my family. I know the basics of my background, but knowing all about the numerous persons who lead up to my existence never seemed so vital to me i guess. I wonder if it's a bad thing, not really caring or bothering to. But at the same time i wonder if knowing who they were really makes a difference. I know that they're important in a way because a portion of my genetics comes from them, but beyond that i wonder if there is really much significance in knowing. After all, i am influenced by my living relatives, not those who have come and gone before my time. And what about those who've been adopted? They don't always know who they came from or what their background is, and yet they go on living anyway and are influenced by their foster parents. I don't know if this even has a point or really makes for an argument of any sort. I'm just wondering as always.

I had an incredibly strange dream the other night. Part of it involved you and I walking around in this commercial, mall-ish area in Italy. Why Italy I have no idea. I looked pretty American though. Anyway, We got separated and i was trying to find a restaurant or something of the sort where we were suppose to meet but i had no idea where i was and felt really confussed. It got stranger though because in my dream the pope had his headquarters somewhere within this shopping complex (ironic pairing of spiritual and the material) and i happened to spot the pope with a number of other church men going now the escalator. They were dressed in nice button up shirts and navy pants. except the churchmen were in white and the pope had on a blue button up collared shirt with thin pink vertical stripes. I don't know if this is significant at all. I go up to him and ask him where I could find the restaraunt. He and his cronies just laughed as he told me i was just a dumb, silly girl. I remember turning around and running up the escalator which somehow turned into the stairs from school and i then suddenly found myself in a bright sunny football field and confronted with an even more bizzare senario. I honestly found myself quite perplexed by the whole thing.

I began reading the Perks of Being a Wallflower last night. I ended up spending a little over a whole hour reading the first quarter of the book. I didn't even register the amount of time that had passed until i bookmarked my place at the begining of part two and looked up at the clock. It faintly reminds me of Flowers for Algernon in that the character's name is Charlie. Also, he seems to have a very similar mindset. Kind of innocent, sweet, naive. Just looking to be accepted. Also, the simple construction of his sentences seem to remind me of Charlie's in Flowers as well. I find it enjoyable to read though so far.

I hope you are good. I tried calling you today. I guess you were out and about. So I just finished a painting instead. Hopefully I'll see you soon.

Fresher Than Fresh!

Dear Sara,

Driving home today from Rebekah's was one of the most soothing moments of the week. Turning on to Moore Rd with the windows down, I could smell the fresh scent of summer, cut grass, flowers, and the cool night air. It was so beautiful and peaceful. The smell really made me stop and think about how wonderful and perfect the moment was. Sitting all alone, cruising down the road with a slight breeze on my face, i felt so calm and content. Curious how such simple things put us in a state of bliss. The simplest thing as a flower, or the sight of a meadow, or the sounds of crickets can make you forget about everything except that exact moment and right then all that is running through my head is it's summer and i think about how happy and how relieved that makes me feel. Lately I haven't been in much of a talkative mood. I feel like I just tend to sit around and space out. Even when I'm with you or lydia, or callie, or auds...talking just feels like a stretch. I feel worn at times. But then when I look around and see how beautiful the world is I just feel so...content, or elated. Everything just feels right.

So far I've managed to keep busy, yet I worry that things will slow down soon and I'll be stuck in a state of boredom with nothing to do. Which I'm kind of dreading because I want to enjoy summer as much as I can before we have to go back and worry about schoolwork. I don't want the summer to pass me by to quickly or without much excitement. Let's hang out as much as we can. I know I will start to miss everyone from school dearly.

I hear you are sick. Poor thing, my dear swany. I hope you get better soon. Summer break is no convienient time to catch a cold. If you ever need me to come over a make you some soup or hold your hair back while you puke into a bucket you can always call. Honesty, I wouldn't mind at all. By the way, I'm so excited to take care of you after you get your wisedom teeth pulled. We'll eat ice cream, and I'll make you smoothies, and we can watch as much tv/movies as you'd like. Or maybe if you get really loopy and tired I could read you stories as you fall asleep and maybe even act them out...

Well my dear I'm starting to feel sleepy. Time for me to go read and get some rest. I hope you feel better quite soon and hopefully hang out!

Raindrops

So here I am at the Library. We got so soaked we decided to just hang out here instead of getting gelato. I'm so ready for summer swan! I don't even care anymore about finals. I'm completely devoid of stress or concern. And I just want Lydia to cut my hair. I think that's what I want most of all at this moment. Everytime i look in the mirror i get really excited to know this whole mess of hair on my head will soon be gone. Right now it's just too much to care for and it's getting obnoxious.

I think we should add biking to rebekah's house to our summer list. I'm really getting into riding my bike around. The only problem is there are so few places I can go.

Only two days left!