I want to walk around with You

I love walking. Sometimes I feel like I could just keep on walking forever and I'd be perfectly content with that. There's just something so soothing about it. Walking with you is nice. I love our conversations. I hope I don't creep you out with my endless questions. But somehow, I don't think that's possible. Silence is nice too sometimes. It's a comfort not feeling obligated to say anything when there is nothing on my mind worth noting. I hope this doesn't make us boring. No, just comfortable. At ease.

I'm contemplating sneaking out. One night. Just one, this summer. I've realized my life seems so dull and uneventful. I rarely take risks or do anything much that is adventurous. Always keep to myself, calm and quiet. But I need to do something. I am capable of taking care of myself. Of course, it wouldn't be anything crazy. I think more than anything I'd just like to climb out the window and go for a walk in the middle of the night. Breath in the crisp summer night air. When it's quiet and peaceful. Just me. Or maybe I'll invite you. You're more than welcome to come. I just have to figure out an escape plan, or more I'd have to test it out. Prepare.

I want to make this summer memorable. I'm in the prime of my youth. Opportunity is abound. Isn't this the time where we're suppose to make the most of life? While we're young and mobile. Responsible, yet free from responsibility? I want to make amends for my dull habits of sitting at home and studying every Friday and Saturday night for the past year. For all the stress and confinement. I need a little excitement. I want to be happy. I want to smile and laugh. I want to feel good and wonderful all the time. While its summer summer summer, and there's sunsunsun. So much funfunfun. AHHHHHH! too much. maybe? You know that bubbly feeling you get though, where you just feel so joyous and content and you're actually living IN the moment for once. And your attention is wholly focused on the present? and you can't stop smiling because everything is just so wonderful and perfect at the exact point in time? That's what I want. I want to feel that. I want to go on adventures. Let's be spontaneous. We are rulers of the world! Fearless explorers. Just don't less this precious time slip by.

Do you feel it? This need to do something extraordinary? Memorable? I want to remember. I always forget my summers. One day always seems to fade into the next. But not this time, I hope.

I want to start taking more film photographs. Just so I can remember it all. Years down the road, I want to be able to pull out my box of photographs and pull out all the little memories and reminisce. To be able to pull back the past and bring it back to life. In a way. Just so I won't forget. The people, places, adventures, all the things I've done and seen will be right there, preserved in a pretty little picture.

In 5 Years Time

I might not know you.

Do you ever feel so caged? I'm ready for spring. For being outside all the time, breathing, breathing, breathing. only fresh air. only bird calls. only tulip buds and dirt. I'm tired of walls and no space. I want to run endlessly and then break into all of my individual atoms and just become this air. AAAA. I want spring.

Blog-O-Lists

I think I'm going to try and write my blogs in lists. My supporting reasons

1. Who doesn't like a good list?
2. I can pull off the poetry of typed out paragraphs
3. Less room to babble on and on in tangents (or so you would hope)
4. It would take less time to write. Especially in the already crammed for time life I have - which basically seems to = no life.
5. I just wanna mix it up!

Let's see how this goes.

Hello World!

I want some personal project. I need ideas. Do you have any? I will list some. This is monotone and entirely unoriginal in structure. I am a robot.

-Don't eat sweets
-Find words to describe everyone
-Write down one story someone tells me everyday
-Have an odd question per day, record answers; don't announce that this is what im planning
-Smile at a new person everyday
-Make an actual conversation when washing hands awkwardly in the bathroom next to a silent person
-Always pay full attention to people when they speak to me
-Write a poem everyday
-Make a list everyday
-Give up complaining

Looking at these, they are things I wished I did everyday, all of them.

On and International Level

Is sarcasm and international thing or is it something only Americans get?

This whole concept of others not understanding sarcasm has really shook my perspective. Knowing that not everyone understands the concept has got me worrying now about how i will be percieved by others once i'm out of high school. I thought those days were over. Man.

Anyways, my whole trail of thought leading up to this though had to do with meeting Kaitlynn's french student Alice. She seems very nice, but she's also quite reserved. I guess it's understandable though. She is in a strange country and I guess we speak English much more quickly than what she was accustomed to back at home. I'm worried that she finds me strange and bizarre. I'm scared to use humor around her. I find myself feeling uncertain about whether or not she'll understand any of my comments. I drove her and Kaitlynn to zville Wednesday where we walked around and looked at some of the shops and hit up the park. I was worried she would find our lives here boring. I asked her what she liked to do in her spare time and she told me she likes to play tennis, go to the cinema, and visit friends. I started thinking about what I do in my spare time and realized that most of it i dedicate to going to the homes of various friends where we gorge ourselves on food and chatter. Other than that though I seem to spend the majority of my time doing independent activities like painting. Because I'm too cheap to spend money doing other things. I'm perfectly content with that yet it's made me feel very uninteresting. I feel dumb for worrying so much about this. I'm hoping I'll make a good impression though by the end of Alice's three week stay. Kaitlynn and her seem to be depending on me to drive them around during her visit which is fine with me. I need to get off my lazy ass, by which I mean I should probably be more social so that by the time school starts I'll remember how to socially interact with others.

I can't believe you're halfway across the globe. I'm incredibly envious by the way, just in case this fact hasn't sunken in yet. Germany is about 6 hours ahead of our time correct? So that would make it about 6 in the morning where you are now. I think? You're probably still asleep. I hope you have a wonderful day when you wake up. What am I saying? I mean that, it just sounds so....well lame, cheesy, pick your adjective.

This mindless blabber. My mind has ceased to work. Well not entirely true. I still have probing questions about the universe. It just seems to have lessened.

Have you looked up telekinesis yet? I finally heard the whole album and i love it. I've been listening to it on repeat all week whenever I take the car out for a spin. I love music. I can't imagine what my life would be like without it. I saw this interview on the daily show the other week where John Stewart was interveiwing a guy who did some sort of study on the subject. apparently music is very much ingrained in the human existance.

Why do I ask stupid questions?

Anywhere but Here

You are so lucky Sara. Just so you know I'm incredibly envious that you get to visit Germany. Whenever my dad is a around and decides to watch tv he always watches the shows on the travel channel, especially the ones about Europe. So basically I've spent the past week or so just watching numerous programs that explore various European countries which has not done a thing to help my reminiscing over last summer's vacation. Home just sounds so dull in contrast. I'm tired of flat cornfields. I want hilly landscapes with patches of forest and twisting labyrinths of city streets. I miss everything about Estonia so much. I don't know where this sudden longing for escape has come from, but it's incredibly inviting to contemplate.

I think I sound like a real dork when I talk. Or even write for the matter. Do I always come off sounding this lame in conversation?

Today I spent my time exercising and then cleaning up some around the house. I'm sure your adventures overseas were much more exciting. I can't believe you're going to be gone for almost a month though. I'm going to miss you. Really, my life's been uneventful for the most part so far. But I guess it could be worse. Sometimes nothingness is better than catastrophe.

Nostalgia

Lately I've found myself daydreaming about various places. I keep being drawn back into memories of sugar creek in Turkey Run. Whenever I'm driving along the country roads and look out over the fields and see all the foliage I can't help but start thinking about our trip there. I start thinking about how nice it was to float down the river, surrounded by great big rock sides covered in trees. I remember looking into the water where you could see the roots twisting down into the hidden depths. I think about looking up at all those old bridges as our boat would lazily pass below. I have the greatest craving to go back. Road Trip?

I also find myself reminiscing about Europe. I really am in love with Estonia. All the winding twisted streets and old medieval buildings. So beautiful! Ah, I just get this great big ache in my heart whenever I think about it. It was the most perfect place ever. I loved being so close to everything. I could walk anywhere, visiting the old town or going to dinner in the more modern parts of the city of Tallinn. Or the park. The park was so close. I wish I lived in Europe. I could walk or take a trolley to the park every day and tour the grounds. Or sit around in the grass and paint. I want to go back. I miss it so much.

Sorry for being so negligent and not writing much on here. I've been busy in the evening looking up colleges. I really hope I pick the right one. It's kind of fun though. I'm definitely excited. But on the other hand I know I'll miss everyone so much. Yet, that distance that will exist once we all leave for college, it still hasn't registered yet. It still seems so far off. Enough college talk though, it's summer!

I miss you. We haven't done anything all week. I saw Kaitlynn Monday and we went on an adventure. Other then that though I haven't done much, except daydream about vacationing. Also, bigfoot hunting next summer? I hope you realized how incredibly serious I am.