Just Another Day

Sometimes I feel like an idiot. a deceiver. a liar. a coward. a procrastinator. a hypocrite. a pessimist. a moron. a screw up. a failure.

I feel exasperated at times, but then I can't help but be thankful for my flaws. I've realized so much about myself and my personality this past (school) year. I really want to improve, put what I've learned in motion. But sometimes it's hard. I want to be bold and courageous, yet I feel like hiding. I wish I could be outright in what I say, but I don't always know how. I sometimes find myself stumbling over explanations even in the most simple situations. Most of all though, I think I want to be more honest and open. But like I said it's hard. Really, I just wish people could reach into my head and then instantly know exactly how I felt and understand the full extent of my thoughts and feelings. I feel I'm not sufficient in expressing myself. I worry that people may think that I take them for granted. I don't. I just don't always know what to do.

Despite all of this, this mad crazy mess of musings circulating in my brain, all this self assessment and critical remarks, I feel like it's okay. That it will be. I'm thankful for this self realization nevertheless. I'm aware of the conflict, I just have to work to make it better. I really want to be better. I need you to remind me of our promise to be honest. I don't know if I can make it without encouragement. Can you be the little angel on my shoulder reminding me that I can do better?

Sorry to bring you down, I don't mean too. Really I'm feeling positive. I'm not letting life get me down now. I hope that this makes sense.

Today I decided to watch "Gilmore Girls" as you suggested, and Mrs. Kim was in it! I realized that I had forgotten all about Mrs. Kim, I can't believe it!! Ah, it's so comforting. I think these characters are kind of crazy, yet perfectly normal. Once again, I don't think I'm making sense. Still, it's quite delightful. Nostalgic.