Pitter-Patter

So goes the rain on the window sill. I hope it storms tonight. I love the thunder and the lightning. There's something about it that comforts me. And amazes me. Sometimes I find myself just staring out the window when I should be focusing on sleep, but rather my mind in entranced by the flashes of light that illuminate the houses as if it were day for only a second before the night takes over again and all I can see are shadows and silhouettes. I like curling up under layers of blankets with a book while outside it's violent and wild. I feel so calm under the covers. Why does something so tumultuous give me so much peace? I feel I will never fully understand myself. Maybe I am not suppose to.

My mentality is back. I'm sorry sara. I didn't mean to freak out. I'm sorry for the histrionics, i'm sorry for flipping out. I hope you don't worry to much about me. You shouldn't. I just overthink things to much sometimes. I am hoping you are happy. You seem very jubilant these days. I'm glad. I don't ever want you to feel sad. But you seem far from it. I love how whenever you see james a huge smile lights up your face and your eyes seems even brighter and bluer. It's so sweet. Just promise me that you'll enjoy every moment of it. Don't be afraid to live it up. It's a wonderful thing and you should make the best of it. Don't make mistakes like me. Please please please live life to it's fullest Sara. That's all I ask. You'll make me so proud. I don't ever want you to make the same mistakes I did.

I've been bonding with my sister over the weekend. I really want us to be close. It was funny though because she brought up our past relationship which I guess wasn't so great. She told me that I use to be incredibly mean to her. I guess I was. I was such a trickster back in the day. She use to annoy me so much. I'm still sneaky, but I love her so much now. I want to be best friends with her. I want her to feel like she can talk to me about anything, school, boys, life... I want us to hang out and do stuff together. I think I want to be to my little sister what jakob's brother is to him. I want that bond with her. I want to be her friend. I want to be there for her whenever she needs me.

I feel the need to write more. There's such much I could let loose on, but perhaps now is not the time. It's getting late and I should be getting off to bed. Goodnight Sara, sleep well my dear sister.