Where Am I?

Reading Time Magazine makes me feel so intellectual and worldly. I love it and I find it so fascinating, learning about what's going on around the world. I always feel so accomplished after getting through an issue. At the same time though it kind of scares me, knowing what's happening to the world. I was reading one of the articles about Afghanistan and how the US is trying to resolve the conflict there. Reading it, I realized that I don't think I will ever be able to fully understand what life is like for the people there. It seemed almost like some warped fantasy compared to the life I have. I can't imagine what it would be like to live every moment of my life in fear, to go home to a shack, to have to conceal my identity and be belittled just because I'm a girl. I have absolutely no idea what that would be like. I can only imagine. But I will never truly know or understand. Not unless I actually travel all the way across the earth and experience it for myself. The horror and oppression that others face is so much more dire than the silly inconveniences and heartbreaks I face here. My problems are so petty in contrast to what those other people have to deal with. And yet, as horrible and tragic as life is there, I know that an hour later I will already be back to worrying about myself. I feel selfish. Yet, i think you could say that every human being is the same. Greed and self interest is what has driven us to survive in the world. But then people sometimes take it too far and screw things up leaving us with war and mass chaos. I wonder if this war will ever have an end. Sometimes I can't help but think that we will never see the end of it. That it won't happen in our lifetime. Everything seems so tangled. It's just a huge mess of various countries making reckless choices. How do you untangle it? Is it even possible? Maybe, horrible and awful as it sounds, we should just let other countries deal with it. Let it destroy them. Maybe our actions are only making it worse. But then again, we're too involved. We've already played and hand in fucking up the world. Therefore we're responsible for fixing our mistakes. But is it even possible to fix. I can't help but wonder if the pain and this mess is all to deep to manage anymore.

People speak of waking up one day and there will no longer be any such thing as war. Sadly it's only a fantasy. Such a world could never be. Even if one war ends, another will only begin. The selfish interests of various individuals and organizations will only reignite the struggle. War is wholly ingrained in the fabric of human history. And it will continue to be that way until the sun explodes, or we're hit by a massive asteroid, or we end up blowing everyone else up. Greed and the desire for power is only human nature. I wish it weren't so, but that's the way it is. I wish we could fix it but I don't think we could fully erase such tendencies from the human race. I suppose all we can do is appreciate what we have. Give thanks for the fact that we're not stuck in the crossfire. That life isn't crumbling apart around us and falling on our heads.

I wonder if it was always like this. If life back then seemed just as bleak as it does now. Or would it be better if we never came across gunpowder and nuclear weapons. Would we be a little better off? Or would we still find just as much misery?

I'm sorry I'm such a downer and such a pessimist. It just really got me thinking. But, on a happier note, the world isn't all bad. There's sunshine. The rain has stopped for now and the temperature is warming up. We have a lovely school and wonderful friends. We have a whole future ahead of us, full of possibilities and a multitude of opportunities. We have something to live for and to look forward to everyday we wake up and for that I am incredibly thankful.