Turmoil in My Mind

Oh, I don't know how to start. My mind is so muddled. I feel confused. This weekend I was fine, this week however has jarbled (doubtful that's actually a real word, so please excuse my false vocab) my brain. I don't know what to think. I've set myself up on a path of self doubt and double guessing. I don't know. I don't. What the hell am I doing? What am I thinking? Will anything I do make a difference? Am I wasting my time? I hope not, i really really hope I'm not.

Sometimes I wish I could escape from myself. I just need to exit my mind and all these thoughts that consume me. I can't understand why this is happening now, just out of no where. Why so much concern? If only I had answers. But I don't. Maybe that's my problem. My doubt and uncertainty, maybe that's what's eating me alive.

I'm sorry, I know I don't, or never, make any sense when I'm like this. I can only ramble on and on. Oh Sara. I, I, I don't know. Nothing horrible and devastating has happened. I've just gotten myself caught up in some loop, some absurd train of though and I can't escape.

I talked to Lydia on the way home. It was nice. Car rides are perfect for that sort of thing, unloading your troubles, opening up. I felt better at the end. But later i found myself back in the hole. I spent over an hour up in my room painting. The problem sometimes though is that I start overthinking, I get so drawn into my mind when I paint I end up focusing intently on whatever is on my mind. It's bothersome. Maybe I just need a new week to begin.